I sometimes hear from wives who have found out that their husband has been having an emotional affair. Much of the time, AsianDate.com Reviews the husband will insist that there was nothing physical and inappropriate going on. He may even tell you that he is not attracted to this other woman.
But of course, wives have their
doubts about this. Many wives worry that an emotional affair is actually the
precursor to a physical affair.
A wife might ask: "does my
husband having an emotional affair with a coworker mean that he has a crush on
her? I saw an email between them that made me feel uncomfortable, so I went
back through all of the emails between them. It is obvious that this was an
emotional affair. There is no indication that they ever got together physically
or outside of work. But they clearly depend on one another emotionally and tell
each other things about their families, their marriages, and their hopes and
dreams. AsianDate There are
some very personal things in these emails. When I confronted my husband, he
said that they were just good friends. I insisted that it was more than that.
And then I quoted from some of the emails and my husband turned bright red. He
was clearly ashamed and embarrassed, and I finally got him to admit that this
was essentially an emotional affair and inappropriate. So I asked my husband if
he had a crush on the other woman and if he wanted something more. His answer
was that no, he just enjoyed their friendship and that he's not even remotely
attracted to her. I looked her up on the internet and frankly she is not even
that pretty. So I want to believe my husband. But it is hard. Why would he
invest all of this time and effort into the relationship if it is just going to
be a friendship?"
I understand your concern. I agree
with you. If a man is getting his needs met by someone else - even if these are
not physical or sexual needs - this is going to damage your marriage. And if
these needs are being satisfied in secret, it erodes the trust.
By no means am I an expert. I can
only tell you what I see and hear based on correspondence and research. Many
affairs do begin as emotional attachments. The two people don't intend to
cheat, AsianDate.com but get
closer and closer until there comes a point where they have an opportunity or
desire to take it even further. This doesn't always happen of course, but even
once is too much.
<strong>Understanding The
Difference Between The Appropriate Work Relationship And The Inappropriate
One:</strong> I can't tell you that there are no emotional affairs that
remain strictly emotional in nature. There are. Sometimes, as time goes on, one
or both of them realize that they really aren't compatible. Or the relationship
eventually stops providing the emotional pay off. These relationships generally
will end naturally and not progress.
And it is possible for two
opposite-gender coworkers to just be friends. I've had male mentors in the
past. And there was absolutely nothing inappropriate about these relationships.
In today's workplace, people are required to work very closely together in
order to do a good job. But it is sometimes obvious when this crosses the line.
And the fact that your husband became embarrassed about the emails could be a
signal that it has definitely crossed a line. If your spouse is not welcome to
listen to phone calls or to read emails between you and work colleagues, then
this a red flag.
Here's another thing to consider.
Sometimes, people who have had physical affairs will fully admit that the
"other person" is not their type. They will admit that the other
person is not as attractive as their spouse, but that it was not physical
attraction that drew them to the other person - it was something else.
People will sometimes recount a
connection that isn't all about sex. Or they will tell you that they felt
understood and appreciated by the other person. The truth is, people cheat for
emotional reasons as well as physical ones. So his not being wildly attracted
to the other woman doesn't always mean that no physical relationship is in the
future.
Safeguarding Your Marriage: So how
do you make sure that this relationship doesn't turn physical? You work on your
marriage and you try to make sure that your husband feels connected to you. And
you try to make sure that he understands what is inappropriate about the
relationship and why.
This is not always possible, but
it's ideal if your husband can work in another department or with someone else so
that they aren't always required to be together. If this isn't possible, try
very hard to meet your husband for lunch, and drop in from time to time. Allow
the other woman to see you and know that you are very much a reality. And
encourage your husband to come straight home after work.
Counseling can also be very
beneficial here. Anything that you can do to make your marriage his preferred
place to get his emotional needs met is important. I can't stress this enough.
You can't control what happens between your husband and the other woman while
they are both at work. But you can control what happens between the two of you
at home. You can fight for your marriage if that is what you want.
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