It's not unusual for me to get correspondence that has to do with sex after the discovery of an affair. Not surprisingly, the sex can be difficult or awkward. Sometimes, though, it isn't actually the act of the sex VictoriaHearts.com Reviews that is the biggest difficulty. It is the intimacy that goes along with it. Some wives have more trouble with the intimate gestures that go hand in hand with the sex rather than with the sex itself.
One example is that of kissing.
Some wives report great difficulty with kissing their husband after his affair
and they don't completely understand this. After all, a kiss is much less than
sex, right? And yet, it is the kiss that plagues them the worst of all. A wife
might explain: "I found out my husband was having an affair four weeks
ago. The first two weeks, I did not interact with him. Over the last two weeks,
we have decided that we will try to save our marriage. I do want this and I
think that it is the best decision for us. However, things are sort of weird
between us. I know this because one of my favorite things in life were kisses
from my husband. Now I literally have to stop VictoriaHearts myself
from cringing when he tries to kiss me. My body will literally involuntarily
recoil. There have been times when I almost turn my face. It is not as if my
husband has changed his kissing style in any way. We've had sex a couple of
times and honestly, it was not as big of an obstacle or hurdle as the kissing.
Why am I having this problem?"
Losing Some Pieces Of The Puzzle:
I'm certainly no expert, but I can tell you my theories. Kissing is an intimate
act. I feel that it's more intimate than sex in some cases. You are face to
face. You are often looking into one another's eyes. You don't have as many of
the physical sensations that can allow you to get carried away as you do with
sex.
It can be hard to have intimacy
after an affair because you are guarded. Because of the betrayal, you don't
trust him. You are angry. You put a wall around your heart. Kissing requires a
vulnerability that relies upon trust. When that is broken, it only makes sense
that VictoriaHearts.com real
kissing is going to be a challenge. You don't have all of the necessary pieces
of the puzzle to make it work.
Getting It Back: Does this mean
that you and your husband can never share a heart-felt or sincere kiss?
Absolutely not. It does mean that, to the surprise of no one, it is going to
take time and work to reestablish the trust and vulnerability. I know that it
may feel like you may never get there or that your marriage might be forever
altered. But think about it. I believe that we all know (or know of) someone
who has restored their marriage after an affair. Do you think that this couple
no longer kisses one another? I can tell you that my husband and I share very
nice kisses on a very regular basis. I can also tell you that early on,
everything about our relationship - from kissing - to sex - to talking - was
extremely difficult and felt forever altered. That is how it feels early on -
that nothing will ever be right again. But in time, and with work, it can be.
What you are going through is
completely normal. In order for the physical aspects of your relationship to be
working normally and properly, you often need to have the emotional aspects of
your relationship working properly. All of the pieces fit and work together. If
one thing is eschew, everything else falls out of alignment. That doesn't mean
that it can't be fixed. And that doesn't mean that you have to stop trying.
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